The Girl in the Window

It rained today. The gloomy sky added the moodiness into my already sulky feeling today. I hate such mood swings as I cannot concentrate on doing anything. Except, maybe playing online games. On days like this, I usually get myself immersed into thinking and reflecting on myself, on what I have done and what I ought to do. Everyday, I see people around me working so hard to accomplish their goals in lives, or at least, trying to do their best in whatever they are doing. What about me? What am I doing? Upon reevaluating myself, I find that I am far behind others, so far behind that I think it is very difficult to catch up with life already. Thanks to mom and dad and my bestie for often giving me the encouragements, even though I have yet to do anything significant in my life. Years have passed and looking back, I realized I have become somewhat more introvert than before. I was not as active as before anymore. I am not the me that I was anymore.

Today, I witnessed my new bff [as a friend puts it] in the University's Speech Contest. Congratulations to Yuki for winning the contest. I was very happy for her [Yuki] and to have spent my time with Mandy, whom I believe, was annoyed by my incessant speech when the contest was held. I hope that she would not be angry with my disturbances for perhaps it is due to my uncontrollable emotions and mouth that I was not able to control my flow of speech. I love talking so much that I wonder if I should be a lawyer instead of a teacher, but I do not have the confidence to talk against others yet. Besides, sometimes I will be amazed by the occasional stupid comments that I make about some issues. Anyhow, I was impressed by the performances of those who made it to the final of the contest, particularly that of my 'new bff' of course, as all of you are winners who managed to beat the many contestants who have enough guts to participate in the contest and this includes myself. I sincerely thank Yuki for 'forcing' me to join the contest and having failed to get pass the preliminary round and witnessed the performance of others, I now can see where my weaknesses lie when giving out speeches.

Back in the room, as usual, I read news online. It was not something extraordinary to be mentioned, but lately, I have been doing a lot of reading online and ignored the required readings for the courses that I am taking this semester. Although I would like to deny it, the fact is that this is the way I am - I procrastinate and I like to do things that come to my mind at moments of instants. For weeks, I have been putting my 'things must be done' list away from my mind and hooked myself on reading online news, going to the gym almost on a daily basis [which is very unusual of me], some dramas and blogging. I have also started reading books [fictions] of my interests again and this seem to be the only thing that I find that I am both happy and beneficial doing it. Must be crazy to do all these things in the midst of the examination period but I think that my inner self is trying to define itself. Itself. Right, what am I?

Enough of rants, I find it very disheartening to read about 'The Girl in the Window' today. Although the article is somewhat long, but such stories always have me reading from the beginning until the end and more often than not, I will go searching for more details about them. I was reminded of the movie 'To Kill a Mockingbird' as I read snippets about the case of Danielle. The movie is largely based on the story of Genie, who is also mentioned in the article about Danielle. It also triggered my memory about the case in which Josef Fritzl of Austria who kept his daughter and grandchildren imprisoned in the basement of his house for many, many years. Ahh... what happened to have caused the 'animals' to do such things to their children? The children do not deserve such treatments at all...

Staring at the computer screen for hours now, I am still pondering about the news, the recent political events of absurdity that occurred in my home country, the lives of others and of course, my life. Though I may not have been the girl in the window, but I would like to be the girl in the picture. One day, I hope the day will come again.